Almost. Done.
Wow - I've never had this experience before: moving house when I didn't have a house to move to! On one hand it's a bit unsettling, knowing that I'll be at my bf's place for a month, on the other, I love that I've pared down (because consolidating your life [and 7 room house] is vital when moving your belongings into a 10 x 25 foot space).
I looked at the most beautiful apartment today, the kind I always sigh and fawn over when invited. There is a WORKING FIREPLACE in it. It's got a great big front porch. It's an old building with gravitas.
I'm definitely applying for it. There is one other apartment that would likely take precedent over the perfect apartment (more perfect location, potentially cheaper to heat, possible underground parking), but I don't even know if it's open to rent. I call tomorrow morning to find out if it is.
Okay, rest time is over, I've got to pack up the car one more time this evening and get going. I cannot tell you how badly I need a shower.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Last night
I'm spending the last night in my house cleaning and packing.
Was so tired (only slept 3.25 hours Wednesday evening), I went to sleep (after a dinner of oatmeal) at 7 or so and got up a bit after midnight.
Now I'm feeling quite energetic. I need to pack up my computer later this afternoon and I don't want to. I'll feel so out of touch! Have no idea where I will be able to set up my computer in my temporary housing, but I'll figure it out. Can't wait until the relative calm of next week. Relative, because it will be anything but calm, yet compared to this week? A cakewalk.
I like cake.
Back to work!
Was so tired (only slept 3.25 hours Wednesday evening), I went to sleep (after a dinner of oatmeal) at 7 or so and got up a bit after midnight.
Now I'm feeling quite energetic. I need to pack up my computer later this afternoon and I don't want to. I'll feel so out of touch! Have no idea where I will be able to set up my computer in my temporary housing, but I'll figure it out. Can't wait until the relative calm of next week. Relative, because it will be anything but calm, yet compared to this week? A cakewalk.
I like cake.
Back to work!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Not so smart
I'm really swamped right now. Because I've been spending so much time throwing things away (and trying to be thoughtful about how I put things back together - like with like), I haven't PACKED a lot.
Also, because I am giving/throwing away a good 30% of my belongings, packing is taking longer than I'd thought. My solution? Donate what I have organized, and take the rest at a later date.
Because I needed to finish a test for which I was woefully unprepared, I drank a small cup of coffee around 9:30 and now I'll be up until at least 2:30 because of it. I've been tired and overcaffeinated for days, by Monday I'll be psychotic. Okay, not PSYCHOTIC, but really strung out.
Bf has been a superstar during this move, and tonight he snapped when I was equivocating yet again about getting rid of something. The most wonderful thing was that it didn't turn into a fight (he was right, after all, and so was I), I didn't feel like a stupid jerk, and we moved on. That exchange feels very natural and monumental to at the same time.
I wish I could try out a new life instead of creating it - seems so much simpler, doesn't it?
Please send me all of your good housing vibes this coming week. I talked to someone today about what amounts to a phantom apartment (may or may not be available on the 15th of Aug) and I want it to be a tangible place by Monday when I call her back. I want to live in a certain neighborhood, and the almost 8 year old and I were in that neighborhood today looking at a "meh" apartment. My goal is someplace fantastic, cheap, and with a good 'vibe'. On a busline, close to cool stuff (cafe, park), and in a real, lively neighborhood.
Also, because I am giving/throwing away a good 30% of my belongings, packing is taking longer than I'd thought. My solution? Donate what I have organized, and take the rest at a later date.
Because I needed to finish a test for which I was woefully unprepared, I drank a small cup of coffee around 9:30 and now I'll be up until at least 2:30 because of it. I've been tired and overcaffeinated for days, by Monday I'll be psychotic. Okay, not PSYCHOTIC, but really strung out.
Bf has been a superstar during this move, and tonight he snapped when I was equivocating yet again about getting rid of something. The most wonderful thing was that it didn't turn into a fight (he was right, after all, and so was I), I didn't feel like a stupid jerk, and we moved on. That exchange feels very natural and monumental to at the same time.
I wish I could try out a new life instead of creating it - seems so much simpler, doesn't it?
Please send me all of your good housing vibes this coming week. I talked to someone today about what amounts to a phantom apartment (may or may not be available on the 15th of Aug) and I want it to be a tangible place by Monday when I call her back. I want to live in a certain neighborhood, and the almost 8 year old and I were in that neighborhood today looking at a "meh" apartment. My goal is someplace fantastic, cheap, and with a good 'vibe'. On a busline, close to cool stuff (cafe, park), and in a real, lively neighborhood.
Redonkulous: part Hogwarts
Had I known I'd be up this late, I would have gone to the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter fillum.
Unfortunately I'm working on my algebra. I've got one problem keeping me from moving on. There is no way to advance until I get past this one, and I've to get done before I go to bed.
Oh, btw, my hair looks FANTASTIC today, if not a bit dowdy. I've got it up and it's super comfy (out of my face, off my neck) as well as complementing the shape of my face nicely. I've been missing how my super short hair complemented the shape of my face, this has much the same effect. Yay!
Tomorrow is my last day to gather things for St. Vincent's - Thursday is my last day to pack (although small things I can take anytime before Monday).
I'm so very tired. Looking forward to Saturday evening, when I plan to have a beer and laze about.
Unfortunately I'm working on my algebra. I've got one problem keeping me from moving on. There is no way to advance until I get past this one, and I've to get done before I go to bed.
Oh, btw, my hair looks FANTASTIC today, if not a bit dowdy. I've got it up and it's super comfy (out of my face, off my neck) as well as complementing the shape of my face nicely. I've been missing how my super short hair complemented the shape of my face, this has much the same effect. Yay!
Tomorrow is my last day to gather things for St. Vincent's - Thursday is my last day to pack (although small things I can take anytime before Monday).
I'm so very tired. Looking forward to Saturday evening, when I plan to have a beer and laze about.
Monday, July 09, 2007
7 days
Actually, it's 6 days now, I can't believe I won't be living here in a week!
That, and I'm gonna be a vagabond for (at least - no, JUST) a month.
Right now I'm coming to terms with my very-tired-ness, my need to go to bed, and the busy day I have ahead of me.
Looking forward to sleep!
That, and I'm gonna be a vagabond for (at least - no, JUST) a month.
Right now I'm coming to terms with my very-tired-ness, my need to go to bed, and the busy day I have ahead of me.
Looking forward to sleep!
Infinite Solutions
Infinite Solutions
Beautifully executed site and the tutorials are fantastic.
Second only to my inexplicable love of infomercials is my love of how-to shows.
(via Barrett Chase)
Beautifully executed site and the tutorials are fantastic.
Second only to my inexplicable love of infomercials is my love of how-to shows.
(via Barrett Chase)
Sunday, July 08, 2007
#3 will be a Colm, I guess
Watching Deep Space Nice this morning with my youngest, and come to find that both of my kids are named after a character played by Colm Meany. When I was pregant with my first, I was sitting in a movie theater watching "the Snapper", and ended up naming my unborn baby after the character Meany plays (at 12 weeks not "knowing" if I was having a girl or boy, even though I know it was going to be a boy at that moment).
Today I come to realize, after several years since last watching DS9, that I ended up naming my YOUNGEST after his character in that show.
I laughed out loud when I realized it.
And although I seriously doubt I'll be a mother again, if I am,and it's a boy, one of his names will be Colm. It must be done.
Today I come to realize, after several years since last watching DS9, that I ended up naming my YOUNGEST after his character in that show.
I laughed out loud when I realized it.
And although I seriously doubt I'll be a mother again, if I am,and it's a boy, one of his names will be Colm. It must be done.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Dualism
I am happy, in many ways, about many things.
But the opposite could be said as well.
I am hopeful, in many ways, about many things.
But hopelessness often clouds my mind.
I see opportunity, in many things, in many ways.
But sometimes I see nothing but obstacles.
And in this closed-circuit loop of social anxiety and isolation, I feel very very ugly (on the inside).
Still I will try, I will let laughter loose, I will try a smile when I feel I can't do it. But I need to talk about what is going on.
If anyone ever asks me how they can help their friend or lover or son or daughter with depression, I don't know what I will say. Maybe "take them for a walk", or "help them brush their teeth", or "recall a moment between the two of you", or "tell them they deserve to be happy, that you really believe that", or "get informed", or "talk to them" or "don't ignore their genuine requests for help".
Telling everyone that I can that I was feeling depressed, suicidal, scared - that didn't do anything. People trust me, that's what I choose to believe. Not people don't care, but people trust me not to kill myself. They trust me, and I trust me, too. If I didn't I'd swallow my considerable pride and check myself into the county mental health place. But I know my trust may be misplaced, I'd *know* the second I thought about betraying that trust.
So, am I being manipulative by saying this out loud? Because what I am trying to do is let this out. I have too many secrets, secrets which just don't matter to anyone but me, but as long as I hold them in, they work against me. WAIT! I figured it out.
Because of how things are going right now (stress upon stress, social vaccuum), things which would be 'no big deal' are things I can't stop thinking about. I am feeling incredibly sensitive (especially, oddly, with sound). My appetite is suddenly dead. I am brittle.
This will change.
But right now, this is me.
But the opposite could be said as well.
I am hopeful, in many ways, about many things.
But hopelessness often clouds my mind.
I see opportunity, in many things, in many ways.
But sometimes I see nothing but obstacles.
And in this closed-circuit loop of social anxiety and isolation, I feel very very ugly (on the inside).
Still I will try, I will let laughter loose, I will try a smile when I feel I can't do it. But I need to talk about what is going on.
If anyone ever asks me how they can help their friend or lover or son or daughter with depression, I don't know what I will say. Maybe "take them for a walk", or "help them brush their teeth", or "recall a moment between the two of you", or "tell them they deserve to be happy, that you really believe that", or "get informed", or "talk to them" or "don't ignore their genuine requests for help".
Telling everyone that I can that I was feeling depressed, suicidal, scared - that didn't do anything. People trust me, that's what I choose to believe. Not people don't care, but people trust me not to kill myself. They trust me, and I trust me, too. If I didn't I'd swallow my considerable pride and check myself into the county mental health place. But I know my trust may be misplaced, I'd *know* the second I thought about betraying that trust.
So, am I being manipulative by saying this out loud? Because what I am trying to do is let this out. I have too many secrets, secrets which just don't matter to anyone but me, but as long as I hold them in, they work against me. WAIT! I figured it out.
I need to feel safe
I need to feel safe speaking
I need to feel safe speaking my mind
I need to feel safe speaking my mind about EVERYTHING
Because of how things are going right now (stress upon stress, social vaccuum), things which would be 'no big deal' are things I can't stop thinking about. I am feeling incredibly sensitive (especially, oddly, with sound). My appetite is suddenly dead. I am brittle.
This will change.
But right now, this is me.
Lost days, lost nights
It's SATURDAY? How did that happen?
WHY AM I BLOGGING? I have a lot of stuff to do, so why am I sitting in my office, looking at a computer screen?
Because I need a break from productivity, from rationality, from calm and considerate culling of my 'cumulated crap.
Because I want to talk, and talking to the blogosphere is as close to conversation as I'm going to get.
Because because because because because.
My favourite breakfast (if only because it's all I have for breakfast) this week is:
Flaxen oatmeal...
1/3 Cup oatmeal (regular)
2 Tbs ground flax
1 Cup water
Honey and butter to taste
Half and half
Mix the first three things in a microwave safe bowl, cook for 2-4 minutes on high, depending on how you like your oatmeal. When it's through cooking, put honey on top, and butter, and mix. Once honey and butter are well incorporated, pour some half and half on top, as you like it.
The flax is the tiniest bit nutty in flavour, and becomes alarmingly glutinous (although not slimy, well not too slimy). This dish has 8 grams of fiber, is potentially really good for your blood cholesterol, and is great if you don't bother eating lunch because you are stressed out.
Also fantastic for regularity. TMI?
Posts like this one (and the one I am not writing because it really IS too much) are why I don't advertise my blog locally. No one likes whinging.
Packing is going okay, but my algebra has gone completely by the wayside and I'm in big trouble if I don't find time to work on it tomorrow. Or tonight.
WHY AM I BLOGGING? I have a lot of stuff to do, so why am I sitting in my office, looking at a computer screen?
Because I need a break from productivity, from rationality, from calm and considerate culling of my 'cumulated crap.
Because I want to talk, and talking to the blogosphere is as close to conversation as I'm going to get.
Because because because because because.
My favourite breakfast (if only because it's all I have for breakfast) this week is:
Flaxen oatmeal...
1/3 Cup oatmeal (regular)
2 Tbs ground flax
1 Cup water
Honey and butter to taste
Half and half
Mix the first three things in a microwave safe bowl, cook for 2-4 minutes on high, depending on how you like your oatmeal. When it's through cooking, put honey on top, and butter, and mix. Once honey and butter are well incorporated, pour some half and half on top, as you like it.
The flax is the tiniest bit nutty in flavour, and becomes alarmingly glutinous (although not slimy, well not too slimy). This dish has 8 grams of fiber, is potentially really good for your blood cholesterol, and is great if you don't bother eating lunch because you are stressed out.
Also fantastic for regularity. TMI?
Posts like this one (and the one I am not writing because it really IS too much) are why I don't advertise my blog locally. No one likes whinging.
Packing is going okay, but my algebra has gone completely by the wayside and I'm in big trouble if I don't find time to work on it tomorrow. Or tonight.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Remind me...
The next time I'm in Manhattan, I need to get to Brick Lane Curry House. That was a lovely dinner. If only I could remember the name of the Ethiopian place where we ate...
Precision!
LOLZ (I love Ryan from qwantz.com!)
I fear for myself if I ever let my passing interest in etymology become an active one.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
News of the day
Packing up your life (especially 5 turbulent years of your life) is really quite exhausting, emotionally. Unfortunately, my travels across the internet this morning have just made me even more so. But on a happy note, BBC journalist Alan Johnston was freed today!
That was nice news. I'm assuming he'll write a book about his experiences. If so, I plan to read it. There is a rant building in me about how Americans are kept from much of the news in the Middle East (and let's face it, not too worried about it), but I will not rant, as much as I want to.
The article which caused me to weep, openly, was from the NYT in November. Harriet Brown is a writer who has a daughter living with (and recovering from) anorexia. She's a very strong writer, extremely passionate about what she talks about, and I am following her blog, Feed Me. She's local to me, and our kids (her youngest and my oldest) went to the same daycare years ago, so I think I'm feeling connection to her story on that level as well. Also, as she relates her daughter's and their family's struggle, it really reminds me of my own struggle with depression and bi-polar disorder, and has been giving me ideas about how to strengthen my own family despite those struggles.
So.
I'm feeling verklempt (wait, I swear I looked that up before, but it's not turning up - probably it's a misspelling - Mike Meyers didn't make it up, did he?).
Talk amongst yourself(selves).
BBC's Alan Johnston is releasedBBC correspondent Alan Johnston has been released by kidnappers in the Gaza Strip after 114 days in captivity.
Mr Johnston said his time in captivity was the worst of his life
Mr Johnston, 45, was handed over to armed men in Gaza City. He said his ordeal was like "being buried alive" but it was "fantastic" to be free.
Speaking live from Jerusalem later, he thanked those who had supported him, and vowed to return to "obscurity".
Rallies worldwide had called for Mr Johnston's release. An online petition was signed by some 200,000 people.
That was nice news. I'm assuming he'll write a book about his experiences. If so, I plan to read it. There is a rant building in me about how Americans are kept from much of the news in the Middle East (and let's face it, not too worried about it), but I will not rant, as much as I want to.
The article which caused me to weep, openly, was from the NYT in November. Harriet Brown is a writer who has a daughter living with (and recovering from) anorexia. She's a very strong writer, extremely passionate about what she talks about, and I am following her blog, Feed Me. She's local to me, and our kids (her youngest and my oldest) went to the same daycare years ago, so I think I'm feeling connection to her story on that level as well. Also, as she relates her daughter's and their family's struggle, it really reminds me of my own struggle with depression and bi-polar disorder, and has been giving me ideas about how to strengthen my own family despite those struggles.
So.
I'm feeling verklempt (wait, I swear I looked that up before, but it's not turning up - probably it's a misspelling - Mike Meyers didn't make it up, did he?).
Talk amongst yourself(selves).
Monday, July 02, 2007
Holy Smokes!
Remember how I was selling my house?
Someone bought it - well, contracted to buy it.
It's all moving full speed ahead, in TWO WEEKS.
Blogging will be light.
See you in a fortnight!
Someone bought it - well, contracted to buy it.
It's all moving full speed ahead, in TWO WEEKS.
Blogging will be light.
See you in a fortnight!
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