Friday, April 25, 2008

Let the circle be unbroken

...What a heady time this is.

My new regime of meds seems to have lifted my depression and tossed it away. I am feeling quite good.

A little too good. My mood was spiraling up and up this week and I'm still not sure of it's exact status at the moment. I feel good but not really ready to be on my own with this good feeling, as it's accompanied by not sleeping or eating regular meals, and a lot of excessive cigarette smoking.

::shakes fist at bipolar disorder::

And still, we strive for balance with meds and talk therapy and hard bogdamned work, asking for help, accepting help, and accepting that sometimes help is hard to find.

The bf and I have found a place to live, together. This is monumental and exciting (and can I safely admit in this company, terrifying in its own right), and not for a few more months, so we can adjust slowly. It has many requirements he and I shared, and each of us came away with things we wanted (location for me, a garden space for him). Oh, and there are established raspberry plants in the back yard!

Tonight I had the pleasure and privilege of feeding my ex husband's stepson to be, and hopefully they will take me up on my very sincere offer to babysit this little bundle of happymaking babiness. He is a beautiful, friendly baby who the 8 yr old is absolutely crazy about, and it's mutual. Although the ex and I still have our moments, we are getting, I hope, to a place where we can be a big family, with trust and stuff.

I also ran into someone I hadn't seen for years and that was bittersweet and funny. We shared some gallows humor and I hope we get the chance to talk again soon.

I should be sleeping, and even took the medicine which is supposed to make me sleepy, but so far, nothing is happening. Maybe blogging is keeping me awake, you suppose?

Dotting the "I"s and crossing the "T"s

Big news in Auto land, but until it's all said and done, I'll leave it at that.

I'm really feeling hopeful and excited about this year.

For now, I'll enjoy the rain from inside and a cup of tea.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Things that make me go, "hmmm"

Okay, so in the film "Margo At The Wedding", Jennifer Jason Leigh is wearing a night shirt which references "The Arsenio Hall Show", which the title of this post reminds me of, because it was a popular song which was also a bit on that show.

Two blog posts which I found via the Racialicious rss feed, made me go, Hmmmm, in a good way this morning.

"Stuff White People Do" has a mindbendingly interesting post on how white women can give birth to black babies but black women can't give birth to white ones. This resonates with me because I am the black(ish) mother of a white child. My youngest could "pass" if we were still using that kind of societal test. I sometimes am still amazed at how it all worked out that he got light eyes, hair and skin when his big brother is olive with darker brown eyes and dark brown hair.

The other post is Kareem Abdul Jabar's post on Horton Hears a Who and the damaging message about girls' worth vs. boys' (a message I found in the film Shrek 3, which I absolutely still am livid about). He connects sexism to racism in a thoughtful way. I will have to read more of his columns to see what he has to say.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Well, then. That's over.

Today was the last part of a process which has been made unnecessarily complicated by the fact that it is a Federal thing. Like the birth certificate which they DIDN'T need, but said they did in 4 separate places, so I procured a copy for 20 bucks. But hey.

And the fact that they can't tell me anything for "3-5 months", so I could be S.O.L. in 5 months after having waited all this time. I guess my best plan is to continue with the other things I'm doing and wait and see.


But the fact that it's over, at least for now, is really comforting.

And the fact that the person I talked with was a really nice and respectful person was helpful.

I think it's really that I was quite scared of the process, plus other stuff. Tonight I'm going to try something new which I will write about later.

Right now I'm vainly attempting to clean my damned blessed apartment, which keeps falling into disrepair whenever I turn my back.

This time it's craft related disrepair. GLITTER is involved, so, yeah. Good times.

More later.