Friday, April 25, 2008

Let the circle be unbroken

...What a heady time this is.

My new regime of meds seems to have lifted my depression and tossed it away. I am feeling quite good.

A little too good. My mood was spiraling up and up this week and I'm still not sure of it's exact status at the moment. I feel good but not really ready to be on my own with this good feeling, as it's accompanied by not sleeping or eating regular meals, and a lot of excessive cigarette smoking.

::shakes fist at bipolar disorder::

And still, we strive for balance with meds and talk therapy and hard bogdamned work, asking for help, accepting help, and accepting that sometimes help is hard to find.

The bf and I have found a place to live, together. This is monumental and exciting (and can I safely admit in this company, terrifying in its own right), and not for a few more months, so we can adjust slowly. It has many requirements he and I shared, and each of us came away with things we wanted (location for me, a garden space for him). Oh, and there are established raspberry plants in the back yard!

Tonight I had the pleasure and privilege of feeding my ex husband's stepson to be, and hopefully they will take me up on my very sincere offer to babysit this little bundle of happymaking babiness. He is a beautiful, friendly baby who the 8 yr old is absolutely crazy about, and it's mutual. Although the ex and I still have our moments, we are getting, I hope, to a place where we can be a big family, with trust and stuff.

I also ran into someone I hadn't seen for years and that was bittersweet and funny. We shared some gallows humor and I hope we get the chance to talk again soon.

I should be sleeping, and even took the medicine which is supposed to make me sleepy, but so far, nothing is happening. Maybe blogging is keeping me awake, you suppose?

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