Big Damn New Year Wishes

This morning was great, talking with a friend on chat I began wishing for us in the new year and the Big Damn Wish was born.

Wishing for you and yours:

May our outlook be
as sunny as Kaylee,
as glib as Wash,
as fierce as Zoe,
as self-confident as Jayne,
as calm as Book,
as sensual as Inara,
as tenacious as Mal,
as open as River,
as full of potential as Simon,
and as comforting as Serenity.

Die-hard Browncoats may quibble with the adjectives I've chosen (and boy, was it hard to choose just one for each character). Those unfamiliar with the 'verse of Firefly and Serenity may be confused, but rest assured this is a wish of the best of things for all of us in the new year.

Best of the Autonymph 2007: Film review

I was looking through my stats and saw that someone had looked at my Shrek the Third film review, entitled: A Third Dissapointment.

Shrek the Third is a technical masterpiece. I kept wondering at the texture of Shrek's skin, the different state of Puss in Boots fur, and Prince Charming's bouncy and behaving hair.

And for an hour and a half, I kept thinking about how white the world of Far Far Away is. Beside Eddie Murphy, there are no black voice actors in the film. Antonio Banderas (who is technically white, let's not forget) is the only other bit of colour in the acting roster.

And yes, I'm sure the argument that it's based on European fairy tales, so why not have all of the characters be European* looking will be put up against my complaint? Por que, you may ask? Why should they include non-white characters? Porque si. Just because. (*Also, Europeans come in many shades. See: Antonio Banderas.)

Reading that post again, it struck me that it was one of the best posts of the year here at The Autonymph. And although I don't think I have that many to brag about, I am going to look for one best of post a day for the next 4 days.

Another film review I think might be worth your time is here. It's about the Korean film "Gwoemul (The Host)" and explains it better than the trailers did (I was telling someone about this film a few weeks ago and thought I'd like to watch it again).

Happy Wednesday!

Thank goodness for Wednesdays.

Industrial Espionage

There's a plot against my sleep. At least, I feel as though there is. I live in a semi-industrial neighborhood.

And one of the businesses is making a hell of a lot of noise right now. Perhaps they are loading a truck? I dunno, but it's BLOODY LOUD and they woke me the hell up.

Not very happy.

p.s. Please send me some Christmas Spirit! I have none.

Now, back to watching Bones Season 1.

What the neck?

Oh, ouch. My neck hurts! My glands are swollen and my neck is super sore!
Time to call the doctor, I think. He said if I was still feeling ill in two weeks to come back in and see him (for another mono test among other things).

I'm so very tired.

Morning Girl

I used to have a Shaun Cassidy record, when I was a wee lass, and I loved that thing to death. It had a song called "Morning Girl", which I think I wouldn't want to hear again, because it will never sound as good in real life as I remember it sounding.

"Morning Girl, where you been so long? You lips have got some colour now, a little too much colour now..."

In the midst of Finals Day panic, er, preparations, I found myself needing to look half way decent, so I washed my hair and realized, WOW, a year between haircuts is a long time! Here is how I look today...




The bottom picture reminds me of myself at 19, which if you think about it, isn't bad for 18 years having passed!

I finally decided to buy a new camera, and I hope to get it by Saturday so I can take pictures of the non-canceled parts of Christmas. And better self-portraits too.

Unfortunately I seem to have misplaced pictures of myself from last year, so I can't do a side by side comparison. Right now I've got to get dressed, pack myself up and get out of the house. I need coffee and breakfast. I've been up, btw, since 2 am!

Fell asleep somewhere around 7 last night, so I got my usual amount of sleep. I'm just gonna be a wreck later!

Sadly, No

Today started off well, but I can honestly say it's not been a very good day.

I've been struggling all week with myriad feelings and concerns and just feel very tired and frustrated and disappointed, and needing to get focused, put all of this mess away (mental mess, that is), and concentrate on school.

You know, I think, that I am not a fan of the holiday season. Or do you? Well, I'm not. I really do like decorating and baking and stuff, but the "holly jolly christmas" thing just doesn't *happen* for me.

I pretty much have canceled Christmas this year, and I'm even more disinclined to bother with it after today.

All I want to do is be alone for a couple of weeks, asleep. Hibernation!

Top Ten Trivia

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Autonym!

1. Autonym can pollinate up to six times more efficiently than the honeybee.
2. The state nickname of Iowa is 'The autonym state'.
3. Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are autonym!
4. Autonym is the sacred animal of Thailand.
5. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by autonym fighting underground.
6. Autonym is actually a mammal, not a fish.
7. In Ancient Egypt, people wore glittery eyeshadow made from the crushed shells of autonym.
8. The number one cause of blindness in the United States is autonym!
9. The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained autonym.
10. Most bottles and jars contain at least twenty-five percent recycled autonym.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

On the mend

It's getting better, this viral whatsits of mine. The nice doctor called last night and said that although one of the tests came back indicating that *yes* I'd been exposed to or had the mumps in the past, the other test which would determine if I was actually suffering from the mumps won't come back for a couple more weeks at the soonest.

So, probably I didn't have the mumps.

Thankfully I am generally a very healthy person and should count my blessings, which I am going to be doing later.

Right now I'm packing up the suitcase of fun I packed yesterday afternoon just in case the snow didn't stop. It did stop, so we are not snowbound today (yeah, I admit to being a bit disappointed), which means I have to go home in a few minutes.

So off I go.

Various and Sundry updates

Aw man,
I just got an email that my Tech school will be teaching an introduction to Mandarin this spring AND Arabic in the fall of 2008! I would have loved to try either of those in the past two years. Oh well. I don't think I can do the Mandarin class because it's a late class and I have the boy on the days it's offered.

Besides, Mandarin is out a few years, right? But I'm thinking of NOT doing 4th semester Spanish this January (I need to check the graduation requirements to see if this will be okay or not for graduation), just because I've had a really rough semester and don't feel that I'm ready to move on with that coursework.

I'm thinking of taking Native American Lit this spring... I need to double check my schedule and make my decision before the class fills up.

And that is all I have to say about school. The less said right now, the better.

Now about MUMPS! I did go to the doctor on Friday morning and got a test for mono and strep, both negative, so the doctor ordered both a viral culture (saliva) and an antibody test (blood), and these tests take a long time. I'll be well before I get the results. But I will let you know.

Right now I'm sitting watching an interesting show on PBS, American Experience "Malcolm X - Make it Plain". James Baldwin was just shown saying that Malcolm's power over his audience was that he told the truth about their lives (the reality of racism on their lives, to simplify), a truth that no one articulated, and that is how he had this power as an orator.

Very interesting. If I had a tivo I would quote Baldwin properly and you'd be nodding your head, "yes, yes", just as I did.

Although I haven't journaled in several days (really, I've been sleeping and watching TV shows on the computer), I just thought about the state of my new home (no pictures on the walls, many many things still in boxes), and I want to say something about it.

But what? Hmmmm. I'll have to think about it.

Lastly, in the least important news, the downstairs neighbors are listening to music a bit too loudly for 8:30 on a Sunday morning. They have a series of caretakers, all with different annoying habits. The music is at least not jam band stuff (someone last week was playing that at 7:30 on Tuesday maybe? Too early and too loud). But it's a bit loud. I can't tell though if I'm overly sensitive to it or not. It's better than the guy who must have gotten fired for being a jerk (he yelled swear words one morning).

My lovely lady mumps?

A picture of the Mumps. I think it looks like a butterfly.

I suspect I have the mumps. Yes, MUMPS! Retro of me, yes?

Apparently my clinic is so very busy I can't get in to see a doctor until Friday, but I really want to be seen tomorrow, so I may go see someone at the urgent care clinic in the morning. I just feel so awful! I've been sleeping as much as possible all week. I really wish I didn't have to attend classes (I finally went in to class today and just sat there looking at the clock waiting to go home, I felt so awful).

Anyhow. That's about it. I am sick and feel miserable and tired and wanna so sleep more. G'night.

Two Words: Kitty. Wigs.

Seriously.

The piper...

The piper must be paid.
And then, friends, I buy myself a new camera, because I've been going mad not being able to take photographs. We had our first snowfall last night!

Arghhhhhh!

But as it's the first, rent and afterschool are due and other bills beg to be paid as well. Once that is taken care of and I'm free and clear until the new year, you betcha I'm gonna be off to the big box to find me a new picture taker.

I can't wait!

Also, the calendar just told me I have two weeks until finals and I burst into tears.

Notes from my Journal

It's been a few months, nearly, since I saw my therapist. I kind of up and stopped seeing her. "Kind of" is pussyfooting. I just stopped seeing her abruptly a couple of months ago for reasons which I do not care to share.

Let's just say I needed a breather, and that breather just felt good, and I just haven't felt that going back would be as good at not going has felt. I think I was getting into a rut that I don't know I could get out of.

See, I think a therapeutic relationship can be just as bad for us as any, and we (and perhaps the therapist) can have no idea. My mother had the same therapist for years and years and years and she was the same miserable person for years and years. I have no doubt that she and her therapist has a great time talking for 50 minutes a week, but I don't think she was being helped after the first couple of years. And I felt myself getting into that place.

I suppose I could write my therapist and tell her. I'm planning on giving her a card, anyhow. An "it's December/January" card. A "thank you" card. You know.

I just don't want to sit in her little office anymore. The walls started to close in on me and I get nervous just thinking about it. And it used to feel so cozy and comforting.

And why, friend, do I tell you this? Because of something that happened to me within the past couple of weeks. I was railing at the heavens, wishing there were someone I could tell my hopes and dreams to, reveal my secrets to and they would be there listening and neutral and still somewhat interested... and it occurred to me to pick up a notebook and write on paper.

It was hard, after all of these years, to commit my ramblings to a piece of paper. After all, paper these days is for writing notes, conjugating verbs and listing needed items from the grocery store. My secrets? Those are reserved for the Internet.

But I needed to resurrect the old habit of a paper journal, even if just for a little while. So the other evening, deep into the night hours, I found a little used notebook and a pen and I began to write.

What I wrote was, to be kind, garbage. It was at best the purest expression of my feelings at the moment it was written. It was full of earnestness and heartfelt emotion and not for others to read. But it was mine, and when later, I stumbled upon it and read it I felt...safe...as safe as if it were tucked away in a corner of the internet. The anonymity (which is a false anonymity I have come to find) of the 'net has come to mean something to me which paper and pen no longer did. After being married and having children, physical privacy seems at a premium to me - remembering how as a child I would long to know my mother's hiding places, I want to keep all of my secrets a secret.

The lack of a private place, a room of my own, a space, however small, in my own physical life where I felt safe to express my deepest thoughts, seems to reflect a larger struggle for me. A struggle to feel grounded, a struggle for permanence ongoing and very real for the past couple of years.

I do not expect that I will jump in with both feet and buy myself a special notebook or journal and begin to write regularly. That seems too much at the moment. For now my spiral notebook is as much commitment is as much as I can give, and as much as I need.

What I wrote this morning made me so happy though, I wanted to come and share it with you. It reminds me of myself (and as you know, as an Autonymph, self-reference is my life-blood).

Bear in mind that in as much as I can claim copyright on the following sentence, I do. For it will appear in my memoir(s) and I do not wish a protacted legal battle over it's inclusion.

I have entered a phase of Fatness and Introspection.

Oh, did I oversell this sentence? Because now that it's typed out on it's own it seems a bit small. Well, trust me, I wrote this with my newly Buddha-like belly supporting the notebook (I lost 10 lbs during the past 5 weeks. Unfortunately none of that was from my midsection. Suddenly my belly has been revealed to be like that of the joyful deity. Shall I be disturbed or is it some sort of a sign?). And I feel very FAT and INTROSPECTIVE and... well, it will pan out to be something wonderful.