Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Author as Headless Fatty

Oh, I've been working through some body issues lately. That's been fun.

Decided to track my food intake using an online program, while also limiting myself to 2000 calories a day (which, yes, for my body type/size/weight is below my BMR - which means if I just lay around all day my body would need more calories to work properly and maintain my weight).

And I've been weighing myself every day (yes, I've lost some). But, because I started to do crazy things with food (after only 4 days I start to look at things in the good and bad categories, or suddenly I'm "not hungry", even though I haven't had a thing to eat for 8 hours...bad habits die hard), I am not weighing again until the weekend.

But I've been going to yoga and moving more and that feels good. I'm working up to more exercise slowly, slowly, because I tend to overdo and hurt myself. I really am looking forward to working out over the holidays. I give myself permission to obsess about exercise then, if only it keeps me from becoming all sullen and depressed.

Anyhow, I was feeling all sassy this morning and took a few pictures of myself, one of which was a total "headless fatty" picture. And I looked and looked at those pictures of my fat self and felt all panicky. OMG I'M FAT!!!


Deep Breath, Lady. You'll be fine.

[Several deep breaths later]

Yep, as I've been saying here, I'm fat. Obese by the standards of my doctors. I'm a round, curvy, voluptous and fat woman. And I'd better get used to it.

Not that I'm not looking forward to being differently curvy by next year (more muscle tone, yay!), but I am never going to be skinny (for me) again. I just don't see it in the cards.

And learning to accept the Fat me will be/is the first challenge to accepting the less fat me later on.

I'll post my headless fatty picture later on, if it seems like a good idea.

You'll likely also be subjected to my rant about fat and the world of the Y(MCA), because I've been noticing some stuff. Like Fat people get treated funny when they exercise. Not all the time, not always, but DAMN, I'm inflexible AND fat, not inflexible BECAUSE of my fat.

I'd love a yoga class with some fat women in it. Even some thin women with big breasts so I'd have a companion in misery when doing poses face first. How do you modify for boobs?!?

Kate Harding, have you got any fat positive yoga contacts in Madison? Help a sister out.


KateHarding said...

Kate Harding, have you got any fat positive yoga contacts in Madison? Help a sister out.

Nope, sorry. Maybe ask Thorn?

LavaLady said...

Thanks for the suggestion, Kate. It's funny, I realized this morning, that I am actually, kind of, a hypocrite around the issues of weight loss dieting and fat acceptance (at least on a personal level). It was an interesting thing to see.