Thursday, June 14, 2007


I need to get over my perfectionism. I think it's killing me.

I see it with so many things, how I relate to my school work, to a job, in a relationship, how it stops me from enjoying people and building friendships, from talking to my family, being close to my kids. It used to stand between me and bf, but I work hard to eradicate it when I see it. The world of 'us' feels small and safe, unique and unlike the other parts of my world, tractable*. Perfectionism is less of a bother there, but it hasn't been destroyed.

But I do think my perfectionism is having an adverse effect on my health. Stress-related muscle soreness, insomnia, and mood swings, stomach aches, weight gain. All exacerbated if not caused by stress, exacerbated if not caused by misplaced perfectionism**.

Now, the long drawn out story of how I hate to edit my own work, fiction, non and otherwise, will *not* be told. It's early, I slept on the couch and had a series of strange dreams, and I am extremely thirsty.

*This is unfair, maybe? I think my friendships are also tractable, but I am more guarded with them, to a degree.
**Because in some cases, perfectionism is ok, right?

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