Thursday, October 19, 2006

Two weeks

I have a two week mood cycle, it seems. One thing I know for certain, I have insomnia every other Thursday morning; either I can't get to sleep Wednesday night or I wake up far too early Thursday morn. This morning it was the latter. I think I got up around 2:30. At least I went to bed at a decent hour last night (pretty much right after LOST at 9pm).

I feel fine, but anticipate a bit of a late night. Two weeks ago it was Writer's Group, as it is again tonight. Am I waking up early in anticipation of our meetings? Man, that would take my childhood anxiety and show it who's boss. I used to take swimming lessons when I was a kid (maybe 7? I'm really not sure, it could have been 8) and I HATED going. I was terrified of the water. I didn't mind the shallow end, actually, but we never stayed there.

Anyway, I was so incredibly anxious, I would vomit before nearly every class. Some days it would be in the changing room, once it was in the water fountain right next to the pool. Then as the weeks went on I started throwing up on the way from the bus stop to the YWCA building on the square. There were these big planters with trees in them (evergreens, I think), and I remember throwing up in one of those. I stopped eating breakfast in the morning. No help there. So after a couple weeks of that, I also stopped eating dinner the night before, so I wouldn't have anything in my stomach. That may have worked okay, or it might have been the fact that no one was going to get me in that deep end. I had "panicky drowning" written all over me.

So I still don't know how to swim.

Jeez, today has been long enough! Oh yeah, I got up at 2:30 am. I've already been up for 13 hours!!! No wonder. I've baked muffins (pumpkin chocolate chip at 8:15 am and Chocolate Donut muffins [an experiment, needed more sugar in the batter] just now.

House is quite clean (except for my latest muffin mess) and I have lots of muffins.
And a 4 o'clock appointment, for which I am not prepared.

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