Friday, May 16, 2008

Existential Morning

This morning every question turned into an existential discussion.
What am I doing [this morning]? became What am I doing [with my life]? pretty quickly.

I did not find a lot of answers, but I did find that I am in the space of having a great number of fears to wrest with and anxieties to identify and quell.

Life is beautiful. It feels good to be alive.

But it scares the hell out of me.

How do you all do it every day?

Depression, if nothing else, insulates you from life. Usually a negative, that removal, but as I examined "where I am" this morning, I realized that it also was a comfort to me, being so removed. Sometimes I find myself at loose ends now that I am face to face with life.

This afternoon will be practical, I think. Focusing on the tangible feels like a good move to make after a morning spent with my thoughts.

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