Sometimes, I think I feel like I'm dying. But thinking about it now, I'm kind of embarrassed by that, because what the hell does dying feel like? I don't know.
As ever, my mood has lifted a bit after being so low. I think today went well.
My goal is to find distractions, find distractions and take care of things. Be a better mom to the boys, make more of a safe place of my home. Maybe decorate.
Tonight we made jello and put fruit in it. I've been craving jello for a couple of days (and soup, and saltines). It was the oddest thing, how comforting it was to make something simple, how much the 8 year old enjoyed the process. Being able to wait the 95 minutes it took for the jelly to set up enough to add the pineapple, and then an hour longer until we ate it.
I've been watching a lot of TV (mostly British, mostly hilarious) on my computer, and that's been a comfort. I'm really enjoying it, actually. Plus, I've got amazing taste, so I'm pleased on that point.
Tomorrow it's bowling league first thing. I'm going to bring along my Spanish homework and study, or maybe write a little of the essays due for my Anthro exam next week. You might be surprised to learn, however, that studying in a 38 lane bowling alley full of people bowling is rather difficult.
Maybe I'll make homemade cream of tomato soup tomorrow. I've no saltines, but I've got some crackers - or I could make croutons! That sounds lovely.