Friday, February 02, 2007

Broken Down

I'm so tired, I can barely string together two coherent sentences.

A couple of hours splayed on the couch has helped, but I am really really tired.

It's PMS time for me, which seems to include a deep drop off of the face of the earth into a vat of deep mud. I am sucked in, immobilized, exhausted. Tearful, confused and full of self-recrimination. Remember that stupid thing I did when I was 8? I do. Over and over and over.

Yeah, it's needless and unpleasant and obsessive. Focusing on distant and near past alike. History which I am powerless to change and [seemingly] helpless to relive.

It's been recommended I take Calcium, in the form of Tums tablets, but I haven't yet picked any up. I should be taking Iron because I'm anemic, but I forget to take the tablets.

Since I know this broken down feeling isn't a reflection of reality but an unnatural alteration of it, I try to ignore the negative psychological effects of the PMS. On a day like today, it's difficult. I want to yell and scream and cry and tell everyone that I see: "IT'S NOT FAIR!" But instead I keep my head down and just plow through. I'll get over the mistakes I've made and avoid making any more. This too shall pass.

I dread tomorrow, a bit, as it's part two of the Saturday class from hell, but it is 7 hours and then it's over. Bf is hanging out with the kid, I think the two of them will have fun. I'm jealous, there is bacon on the horizon for them at breakfast! I'm bringing my lunch to school as it's going to be bitterly cold and I don't want to venture out if I don't have to. I'll have time to work on homework if I like, or just relax. Lovely.

Here is a picture of a Halloween craft done by one or the other of the boys. Looking for any old picture, and not finding anything suitable to the topic, went for something that put a smile on my face.

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