Creo que si

Well, here it is.

I am in a pickle. A jam.
A cream tart.

No, scratch that last.

I'm up a creek sans paddle.
It seems I've really forgotten some basic tenets of Spanish. Like when to use Estar and when to use Ser. I "lost" my class last week and texted a friend mangled first semester (hell, first WEEK of first semester) Spanish: donde es clase, which really means something deeply philosophical, to be generous to myself...

I really want to be able to read and speak Spanish. I don't even know why (actually, I kind of do, it's just difficult to explain - it's half "I'm a perfectionist" and it's half, "I'm falling in love with being able to understand this beautiful language").

In a few weeks I'll have some exciting announcements but right now the extent of my excitment is that I am going to try to get to school extremely early this morning and get a sweet spot in the library to research my paper. I think I can get 2 draft pages written a day between now and the end of next week, which should get me nearly caught up.

Will I know it when it comes?

Sometimes, I think I feel like I'm dying. But thinking about it now, I'm kind of embarrassed by that, because what the hell does dying feel like? I don't know.

As ever, my mood has lifted a bit after being so low. I think today went well.

My goal is to find distractions, find distractions and take care of things. Be a better mom to the boys, make more of a safe place of my home. Maybe decorate.

Tonight we made jello and put fruit in it. I've been craving jello for a couple of days (and soup, and saltines). It was the oddest thing, how comforting it was to make something simple, how much the 8 year old enjoyed the process. Being able to wait the 95 minutes it took for the jelly to set up enough to add the pineapple, and then an hour longer until we ate it.

I've been watching a lot of TV (mostly British, mostly hilarious) on my computer, and that's been a comfort. I'm really enjoying it, actually. Plus, I've got amazing taste, so I'm pleased on that point.

Tomorrow it's bowling league first thing. I'm going to bring along my Spanish homework and study, or maybe write a little of the essays due for my Anthro exam next week. You might be surprised to learn, however, that studying in a 38 lane bowling alley full of people bowling is rather difficult.

Maybe I'll make homemade cream of tomato soup tomorrow. I've no saltines, but I've got some crackers - or I could make croutons! That sounds lovely.

I can't conjugate my verbs!

Okay, I was going to title this post "autumn is coming" in Spanish, but for the life of me cannot recall how to conjugate venir properly. (El verano otoño esta viendo veniendo - is that it?)

Oh well.

The 8 year old and I are sitting at yet another local cafe (internet at home seeming like an impossible dream), outside this morning, and we are both COLD. It's a mere 63° F here, and breezy.

I'm looking for a photo that the boys and I took yesterday with Photobooth...
yes, the almost 12 year old is back in town and we've had a really wonderful time so far. Tonight we are having a 'sleep over'/movie party, I think we are going to make homemade pizza...

Okay, that picture. Oh, there were many crazy ones - here are a few gems...

You are my family, now

My grades for the second half of the semester have just come in. I pulled straight A's again and cannot tell you how glad that makes me. Spanish was really bothering me, I was so upset about my performance on the final exam.

You wanna know my cumulative GPA? 3.9!

I'm so happy! The equation for figuring out what it will be when I finish the class I am in now (which is technically Spring semester) is confusing, but it seems reasonable that an A in this class will increase my GPA. But to 4.0* or something a bit lower?

Anyhow, I'm honor society material again this semester.

::Pats self on back::

And because I would love to feel that I could call my parents and have them be happy for me, but don't feel that way, I'm telling you guys.

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* Dude if my cumulative GPA is 4.0, I'm going to take myself out for dinner, a movie, and maybe shopping for something nice.

Okay, things are not that bad

Despite my Terminator fueled apocalyptic imagery, my life is not a burned-out ruin.

A good thing that happened this week was my discovery of "Coffee Break Spanish". Check it out. It is a spanish language instruction podcast, with Scottish accents. It's fun for me to practice things I've already learned and learn a few new words (seems to be based mostly on Spain Spanish).

Still working on some stuff, still needing to keep my eyes on the prize, but for now, things feel a lot better than they did yesterday.