That's commencement weekend, the weekend I plan to graduate from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, a few weeks shy of my 40th birthday.
No, I haven't gotten my official acceptance letter yet, but I have talked to a great resource of mine at the UW and feel really excited, more than ever, about this journey.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
On Hope
Somedays hope is expressed through mere routine: I wake, I rise, I bathe, I dress.
Some days hope is expressed in more nuanced ways: I dream, I plan, I pursue.
Today I started looking through the UW website for information on requirements for different majors, and how I might create an individual major for myself. Interestingly, my interests fall into three majors: Anthropology, Communication Arts and Journalism/Mass Media. I don't know how I might juggle all of these disciplines and my natural sciences in 50 or so credits.
I also started looking at the McBurney Disability center and how to get a disability consideration, what documents are needed, etc. If I am accepted for the fall I will have a LOT of work to do to get the classes I need/want and to get myself into the proper advising. Plus looking for spring grants and monies to take summer courses.
And I followed up with the person who is reviewing my information for my SSD case, she said she's gotten everything but the major information from my hospitalization, which apparently is handled by a third-party vendor, so there isn't much I can do to speed it up. I should have a yea or nay on that by July, I guess. If it is a nay, I am going to appeal it. If otherwise, I will have one less thing to worry about.
Speaking of worry, there is always the possibility that I do not have all of the correct requirements to get into the UW this fall. If that is the case, I'm covered, having already enrolled in fall courses at MATC. I figure better safe than sorry.
That, too, is hopeful, even though it might not seem so. In any case I will be where I need to be in order to get what I need to get for what WILL be MY DEGREE. I know, despite occasional discouragement, that I can do this.
And I know that even when it seems like no big thing to other people, this process of going to school is difficult for me, is perhaps harder for me than for others. I was always used to being able to do well and not have to work "too hard", but in the past year or so have become more cognitively challenged, and it's become quite difficult to get my academic goals met.
That's been really hard.
But, I hope, and I work, and I plan. And I see myself walking that stage, with my kids and my partner there to cheer me on. And that helps me steel myself, keep my resolve, and move forward.
Some days hope is expressed in more nuanced ways: I dream, I plan, I pursue.
Today I started looking through the UW website for information on requirements for different majors, and how I might create an individual major for myself. Interestingly, my interests fall into three majors: Anthropology, Communication Arts and Journalism/Mass Media. I don't know how I might juggle all of these disciplines and my natural sciences in 50 or so credits.
I also started looking at the McBurney Disability center and how to get a disability consideration, what documents are needed, etc. If I am accepted for the fall I will have a LOT of work to do to get the classes I need/want and to get myself into the proper advising. Plus looking for spring grants and monies to take summer courses.
And I followed up with the person who is reviewing my information for my SSD case, she said she's gotten everything but the major information from my hospitalization, which apparently is handled by a third-party vendor, so there isn't much I can do to speed it up. I should have a yea or nay on that by July, I guess. If it is a nay, I am going to appeal it. If otherwise, I will have one less thing to worry about.
Speaking of worry, there is always the possibility that I do not have all of the correct requirements to get into the UW this fall. If that is the case, I'm covered, having already enrolled in fall courses at MATC. I figure better safe than sorry.
That, too, is hopeful, even though it might not seem so. In any case I will be where I need to be in order to get what I need to get for what WILL be MY DEGREE. I know, despite occasional discouragement, that I can do this.
And I know that even when it seems like no big thing to other people, this process of going to school is difficult for me, is perhaps harder for me than for others. I was always used to being able to do well and not have to work "too hard", but in the past year or so have become more cognitively challenged, and it's become quite difficult to get my academic goals met.
That's been really hard.
But, I hope, and I work, and I plan. And I see myself walking that stage, with my kids and my partner there to cheer me on. And that helps me steel myself, keep my resolve, and move forward.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
WIN
You may be surprised to learn that I am NOT perfect.
Or not that surprised.
Yesterday was an interesting day, I was wound fairly tight and had a couple of appts to go to. I then popped in to see an old professor and met another one of her students - he and I are looking to do similar things at the University so we exchanged email and I hope we stay in touch.
Then I enrolled myself in a class for fall that has been highly rec'd to me, a creative non-fiction course (perfect fit, don't you think?). That's in case I do not get in/defer Fall Enrollment at the UW. Which I think is what will happen, because I don't know that I will be stable/ready for the big leagues this fall.
I happened to run into an old classmate after that and we had a brief but (self) illuminating conversation in which I realized that my major choices over the past two years have been largely positive ones, if the goal was to stay alive.
I WIN!
Now I just keep building on what is there, and we have something!
I am a woman of few goals. Honestly: to visit all of the British Isles (Wales and Scotland being among my first destinations), to have at least one grandchild (that one I have little control over, huh?), and to get my B.A. by the time I'm 40. If I stick to it, I ought to be able to use the next two years to get to that last. I am more than halfway to that goal already.
Or not that surprised.
Yesterday was an interesting day, I was wound fairly tight and had a couple of appts to go to. I then popped in to see an old professor and met another one of her students - he and I are looking to do similar things at the University so we exchanged email and I hope we stay in touch.
Then I enrolled myself in a class for fall that has been highly rec'd to me, a creative non-fiction course (perfect fit, don't you think?). That's in case I do not get in/defer Fall Enrollment at the UW. Which I think is what will happen, because I don't know that I will be stable/ready for the big leagues this fall.
I happened to run into an old classmate after that and we had a brief but (self) illuminating conversation in which I realized that my major choices over the past two years have been largely positive ones, if the goal was to stay alive.
I WIN!
Now I just keep building on what is there, and we have something!
I am a woman of few goals. Honestly: to visit all of the British Isles (Wales and Scotland being among my first destinations), to have at least one grandchild (that one I have little control over, huh?), and to get my B.A. by the time I'm 40. If I stick to it, I ought to be able to use the next two years to get to that last. I am more than halfway to that goal already.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Odd
I feel, sort of... floaty this morning.
Perhaps it's because I woke early and didn't get my whole cup of coffee in, or because I missed breakfast?
We are expecting some very inclement weather this evening, and a dramatic change in temperature from a projected high of 43 to a low of -7. That's right, a 50 point range in temperature, in the course of a day. It's been forecast to be down to 17 degrees by 5pm, with high winds and wind chills.
Huzzah.
So, I'm trying to get as much done in the rainy-but-warm weather as possible, to be home cooking something tasty by 3pm. I picked up lentils, split green peas and black eyed peas at the grocery store, so I think I'll make up some soup. I've got a piece of smoked turkey which would make a lovely split pea. If I get that working in the crockpot, I'll be pleased. And I have the makings of roasted chicken and potatoes, a salad, and...something lovely for dessert. I really want to make a lemon custard (lemon curd), because it would be the perfect gustatory antidote to the gray weather.
Now it's time for some reheated coffee and a sweet, tangy tangerine, then off to take care of car stuff and maybe pick up a dvd or two. I've got to write an article for class this week and I'm psyching myself out by worrying about it before I even begin to write it. Not a good plan. I think I'll NOT worry about it, and instead, WORK on it.
Perhaps it's because I woke early and didn't get my whole cup of coffee in, or because I missed breakfast?
We are expecting some very inclement weather this evening, and a dramatic change in temperature from a projected high of 43 to a low of -7. That's right, a 50 point range in temperature, in the course of a day. It's been forecast to be down to 17 degrees by 5pm, with high winds and wind chills.
Huzzah.
So, I'm trying to get as much done in the rainy-but-warm weather as possible, to be home cooking something tasty by 3pm. I picked up lentils, split green peas and black eyed peas at the grocery store, so I think I'll make up some soup. I've got a piece of smoked turkey which would make a lovely split pea. If I get that working in the crockpot, I'll be pleased. And I have the makings of roasted chicken and potatoes, a salad, and...something lovely for dessert. I really want to make a lemon custard (lemon curd), because it would be the perfect gustatory antidote to the gray weather.
Now it's time for some reheated coffee and a sweet, tangy tangerine, then off to take care of car stuff and maybe pick up a dvd or two. I've got to write an article for class this week and I'm psyching myself out by worrying about it before I even begin to write it. Not a good plan. I think I'll NOT worry about it, and instead, WORK on it.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Great Day
I'm not sure why I titled this post Great Day. It's been a pretty plain day today. Nothing exciting has happened, at all, to be honest with you.
Except I *finally* started my first writing assignment for my online class. I have this thing, I guess it's technically a problem being a procrastinator, where starting a writing project is just so daunting. Once I did the basic framework, the words flowed well. It's just getting to "go" which is difficult for me.
Last night my friend T and I baked in tandem, he a pumpkin apple bread, and I a batch of "no cow" brownies from "Baking Without Eggs". Both were delicious!
Tomorrow there is no school for anyone in our house, which, with the cold cold weather and the newly predicted snow fall, is good news indeed. I'm not sure what we will do in observation of MLK Day, but I'll let you know.
Now I've got to finish up my assignment, get it posted, and get back to thinking about what is for dinner.
Except I *finally* started my first writing assignment for my online class. I have this thing, I guess it's technically a problem being a procrastinator, where starting a writing project is just so daunting. Once I did the basic framework, the words flowed well. It's just getting to "go" which is difficult for me.
Last night my friend T and I baked in tandem, he a pumpkin apple bread, and I a batch of "no cow" brownies from "Baking Without Eggs". Both were delicious!
Tomorrow there is no school for anyone in our house, which, with the cold cold weather and the newly predicted snow fall, is good news indeed. I'm not sure what we will do in observation of MLK Day, but I'll let you know.
Now I've got to finish up my assignment, get it posted, and get back to thinking about what is for dinner.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Is there a word for being both happy and disappointed at the same time?
Finally got my grades. One B and one A, for Spanish and Anthropology and Cultural Awareness respectively.
I'm REALLY disappointed to have gotten a B in Spanish and REALLY happy that it wasn't a C.
In my illustrious higher education career (which btw spans both decades and centuries), I've gotten only one B prior to this one. I really don't like that grade. It always feels as though I could have tried harder (and I could have, technically, tried harder this past semester, particularly if I hadn't felt half mad for most of it).
My GPA is now 3.77, which I suppose is still quite respectable.
Seriously, I really hate getting this B. If I didn't need to take just one more class to get into the UW, I'd take this semester off school. I'm just hoping one lousy semester won't be followed by another.
Yes, a B is fine. Better than I'd expected, really. But I still get a sick twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach when I look at it. How could I have done so poorly?
Sigh.
I'm REALLY disappointed to have gotten a B in Spanish and REALLY happy that it wasn't a C.
In my illustrious higher education career (which btw spans both decades and centuries), I've gotten only one B prior to this one. I really don't like that grade. It always feels as though I could have tried harder (and I could have, technically, tried harder this past semester, particularly if I hadn't felt half mad for most of it).
My GPA is now 3.77, which I suppose is still quite respectable.
Seriously, I really hate getting this B. If I didn't need to take just one more class to get into the UW, I'd take this semester off school. I'm just hoping one lousy semester won't be followed by another.
Yes, a B is fine. Better than I'd expected, really. But I still get a sick twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach when I look at it. How could I have done so poorly?
Sigh.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Morning Girl
I used to have a Shaun Cassidy record, when I was a wee lass, and I loved that thing to death. It had a song called "Morning Girl", which I think I wouldn't want to hear again, because it will never sound as good in real life as I remember it sounding.
"Morning Girl, where you been so long? You lips have got some colour now, a little too much colour now..."
In the midst of Finals Day panic, er, preparations, I found myself needing to look half way decent, so I washed my hair and realized, WOW, a year between haircuts is a long time! Here is how I look today...
The bottom picture reminds me of myself at 19, which if you think about it, isn't bad for 18 years having passed!
I finally decided to buy a new camera, and I hope to get it by Saturday so I can take pictures of the non-canceled parts of Christmas. And better self-portraits too.
Unfortunately I seem to have misplaced pictures of myself from last year, so I can't do a side by side comparison. Right now I've got to get dressed, pack myself up and get out of the house. I need coffee and breakfast. I've been up, btw, since 2 am!
Fell asleep somewhere around 7 last night, so I got my usual amount of sleep. I'm just gonna be a wreck later!
"Morning Girl, where you been so long? You lips have got some colour now, a little too much colour now..."
In the midst of Finals Day panic, er, preparations, I found myself needing to look half way decent, so I washed my hair and realized, WOW, a year between haircuts is a long time! Here is how I look today...
The bottom picture reminds me of myself at 19, which if you think about it, isn't bad for 18 years having passed!
I finally decided to buy a new camera, and I hope to get it by Saturday so I can take pictures of the non-canceled parts of Christmas. And better self-portraits too.
Unfortunately I seem to have misplaced pictures of myself from last year, so I can't do a side by side comparison. Right now I've got to get dressed, pack myself up and get out of the house. I need coffee and breakfast. I've been up, btw, since 2 am!
Fell asleep somewhere around 7 last night, so I got my usual amount of sleep. I'm just gonna be a wreck later!
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Various and Sundry updates
Aw man,
I just got an email that my Tech school will be teaching an introduction to Mandarin this spring AND Arabic in the fall of 2008! I would have loved to try either of those in the past two years. Oh well. I don't think I can do the Mandarin class because it's a late class and I have the boy on the days it's offered.
Besides, Mandarin is out a few years, right? But I'm thinking of NOT doing 4th semester Spanish this January (I need to check the graduation requirements to see if this will be okay or not for graduation), just because I've had a really rough semester and don't feel that I'm ready to move on with that coursework.
I'm thinking of taking Native American Lit this spring... I need to double check my schedule and make my decision before the class fills up.
And that is all I have to say about school. The less said right now, the better.
Now about MUMPS! I did go to the doctor on Friday morning and got a test for mono and strep, both negative, so the doctor ordered both a viral culture (saliva) and an antibody test (blood), and these tests take a long time. I'll be well before I get the results. But I will let you know.
Right now I'm sitting watching an interesting show on PBS, American Experience "Malcolm X - Make it Plain". James Baldwin was just shown saying that Malcolm's power over his audience was that he told the truth about their lives (the reality of racism on their lives, to simplify), a truth that no one articulated, and that is how he had this power as an orator.
Very interesting. If I had a tivo I would quote Baldwin properly and you'd be nodding your head, "yes, yes", just as I did.
Although I haven't journaled in several days (really, I've been sleeping and watching TV shows on the computer), I just thought about the state of my new home (no pictures on the walls, many many things still in boxes), and I want to say something about it.
But what? Hmmmm. I'll have to think about it.
Lastly, in the least important news, the downstairs neighbors are listening to music a bit too loudly for 8:30 on a Sunday morning. They have a series of caretakers, all with different annoying habits. The music is at least not jam band stuff (someone last week was playing that at 7:30 on Tuesday maybe? Too early and too loud). But it's a bit loud. I can't tell though if I'm overly sensitive to it or not. It's better than the guy who must have gotten fired for being a jerk (he yelled swear words one morning).
I just got an email that my Tech school will be teaching an introduction to Mandarin this spring AND Arabic in the fall of 2008! I would have loved to try either of those in the past two years. Oh well. I don't think I can do the Mandarin class because it's a late class and I have the boy on the days it's offered.
Besides, Mandarin is out a few years, right? But I'm thinking of NOT doing 4th semester Spanish this January (I need to check the graduation requirements to see if this will be okay or not for graduation), just because I've had a really rough semester and don't feel that I'm ready to move on with that coursework.
I'm thinking of taking Native American Lit this spring... I need to double check my schedule and make my decision before the class fills up.
And that is all I have to say about school. The less said right now, the better.
Now about MUMPS! I did go to the doctor on Friday morning and got a test for mono and strep, both negative, so the doctor ordered both a viral culture (saliva) and an antibody test (blood), and these tests take a long time. I'll be well before I get the results. But I will let you know.
Right now I'm sitting watching an interesting show on PBS, American Experience "Malcolm X - Make it Plain". James Baldwin was just shown saying that Malcolm's power over his audience was that he told the truth about their lives (the reality of racism on their lives, to simplify), a truth that no one articulated, and that is how he had this power as an orator.
Very interesting. If I had a tivo I would quote Baldwin properly and you'd be nodding your head, "yes, yes", just as I did.
Although I haven't journaled in several days (really, I've been sleeping and watching TV shows on the computer), I just thought about the state of my new home (no pictures on the walls, many many things still in boxes), and I want to say something about it.
But what? Hmmmm. I'll have to think about it.
Lastly, in the least important news, the downstairs neighbors are listening to music a bit too loudly for 8:30 on a Sunday morning. They have a series of caretakers, all with different annoying habits. The music is at least not jam band stuff (someone last week was playing that at 7:30 on Tuesday maybe? Too early and too loud). But it's a bit loud. I can't tell though if I'm overly sensitive to it or not. It's better than the guy who must have gotten fired for being a jerk (he yelled swear words one morning).
Sunday, December 02, 2007
The piper...
The piper must be paid.
And then, friends, I buy myself a new camera, because I've been going mad not being able to take photographs. We had our first snowfall last night!
Arghhhhhh!
But as it's the first, rent and afterschool are due and other bills beg to be paid as well. Once that is taken care of and I'm free and clear until the new year, you betcha I'm gonna be off to the big box to find me a new picture taker.
I can't wait!
Also, the calendar just told me I have two weeks until finals and I burst into tears.
And then, friends, I buy myself a new camera, because I've been going mad not being able to take photographs. We had our first snowfall last night!
Arghhhhhh!
But as it's the first, rent and afterschool are due and other bills beg to be paid as well. Once that is taken care of and I'm free and clear until the new year, you betcha I'm gonna be off to the big box to find me a new picture taker.
I can't wait!
Also, the calendar just told me I have two weeks until finals and I burst into tears.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Creo que si
Well, here it is.
I am in a pickle. A jam.
A cream tart.
No, scratch that last.
I'm up a creek sans paddle.
It seems I've really forgotten some basic tenets of Spanish. Like when to use Estar and when to use Ser. I "lost" my class last week and texted a friend mangled first semester (hell, first WEEK of first semester) Spanish: donde es clase, which really means something deeply philosophical, to be generous to myself...
I really want to be able to read and speak Spanish. I don't even know why (actually, I kind of do, it's just difficult to explain - it's half "I'm a perfectionist" and it's half, "I'm falling in love with being able to understand this beautiful language").
In a few weeks I'll have some exciting announcements but right now the extent of my excitment is that I am going to try to get to school extremely early this morning and get a sweet spot in the library to research my paper. I think I can get 2 draft pages written a day between now and the end of next week, which should get me nearly caught up.
I am in a pickle. A jam.
A cream tart.
No, scratch that last.
I'm up a creek sans paddle.
It seems I've really forgotten some basic tenets of Spanish. Like when to use Estar and when to use Ser. I "lost" my class last week and texted a friend mangled first semester (hell, first WEEK of first semester) Spanish: donde es clase, which really means something deeply philosophical, to be generous to myself...
I really want to be able to read and speak Spanish. I don't even know why (actually, I kind of do, it's just difficult to explain - it's half "I'm a perfectionist" and it's half, "I'm falling in love with being able to understand this beautiful language").
In a few weeks I'll have some exciting announcements but right now the extent of my excitment is that I am going to try to get to school extremely early this morning and get a sweet spot in the library to research my paper. I think I can get 2 draft pages written a day between now and the end of next week, which should get me nearly caught up.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Oops I did it again...
Went gaming with bf last night and had fun. Ran into some trouble when I noticed our host James (who is just awesomely nice and always has good things to eat and or drink) had a bottle of Rye on his liquor table.
Rye has always seemed pretty romantic and detective novel-y to me, so I had to try some.
He had two varieties, one of which was more expensive one of which was less so.
They were both really tasty! I used to be a big bourbon fan, but there is a woody thing about bourbon which I can't stomach. I like Irish Whiskey fine, but I think I could develop a taste for Rye, which seems to rest between my beloved bourbon and a lighter Irish.
That bit of booze put me out of the mind to study when I finally made it home, and I've been working on computer problems most of the morning. I need to stop procrastinating and get some studying done, posthaste.
In other news, this has been an oddly stressful week already. Going out trick or treating with my kid is TOTALLY stressful. Maybe I need to pick up a bottle of rye and bring my travel mug with? Oh man, I'm a bad mamma. :) Here's a preview of what I *might* be wearing tonight (not sure if the hat will stand up to the forecast windy weather...).
In other news, I've successfully resisted my desperate urges to smoke for nearly a week! Go me!
Rye has always seemed pretty romantic and detective novel-y to me, so I had to try some.
He had two varieties, one of which was more expensive one of which was less so.
They were both really tasty! I used to be a big bourbon fan, but there is a woody thing about bourbon which I can't stomach. I like Irish Whiskey fine, but I think I could develop a taste for Rye, which seems to rest between my beloved bourbon and a lighter Irish.
That bit of booze put me out of the mind to study when I finally made it home, and I've been working on computer problems most of the morning. I need to stop procrastinating and get some studying done, posthaste.
In other news, this has been an oddly stressful week already. Going out trick or treating with my kid is TOTALLY stressful. Maybe I need to pick up a bottle of rye and bring my travel mug with? Oh man, I'm a bad mamma. :) Here's a preview of what I *might* be wearing tonight (not sure if the hat will stand up to the forecast windy weather...).
In other news, I've successfully resisted my desperate urges to smoke for nearly a week! Go me!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
First Day Jitters
Last night the little one came into my room and said: "I'm depressed and I feel like I'm going to throw up." Understandable that he'd identify feelings of anxiety and worry over his first day in a new school and a new school district.
We had a nice talk about feelings and stuff, and he responded very well to that, which was really good. He especially liked when I said, "Your name is ______, and people want to be your friend." I hope he remembers that one.
I sent a hot lunch with him to school (our first attempt at using the new thermos) and spent the first 10 minutes in the classroom listening to the teacher introduce herself and third grade.
I love the way they say the state-mandated pledge of allegiance in this district: they tell you you don't have to say it, or stand. Which, btw, none of the kids did. I'd been standing with my hand over my heart up until the pledge started, when I quickly snatched it down. I'm not much for that pledge, especially with the god part in it. So I had a nice smile. This district is so much more ME than the last one.
Saw three people I knew and had fallen out of touch with in the past few years. That was cool. Still a pretty white school, but way more brown than the last one. I'd guess there are more brown kids in this combo elementary/middle school than there are in the entire district in Monona. Which wouldn't be difficult as far as I can tell.
I think I'll be missing my late class today because they let out of school 1/2 hour before the dang thing starts and I don't think we'll be able to negotiate that and get to class anywhere on time. But I shouldn't think it absolves me of doing my homework, should I?
Better get to it.
We had a nice talk about feelings and stuff, and he responded very well to that, which was really good. He especially liked when I said, "Your name is ______, and people want to be your friend." I hope he remembers that one.
I sent a hot lunch with him to school (our first attempt at using the new thermos) and spent the first 10 minutes in the classroom listening to the teacher introduce herself and third grade.
I love the way they say the state-mandated pledge of allegiance in this district: they tell you you don't have to say it, or stand. Which, btw, none of the kids did. I'd been standing with my hand over my heart up until the pledge started, when I quickly snatched it down. I'm not much for that pledge, especially with the god part in it. So I had a nice smile. This district is so much more ME than the last one.
Saw three people I knew and had fallen out of touch with in the past few years. That was cool. Still a pretty white school, but way more brown than the last one. I'd guess there are more brown kids in this combo elementary/middle school than there are in the entire district in Monona. Which wouldn't be difficult as far as I can tell.
I think I'll be missing my late class today because they let out of school 1/2 hour before the dang thing starts and I don't think we'll be able to negotiate that and get to class anywhere on time. But I shouldn't think it absolves me of doing my homework, should I?
Better get to it.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Facing myself
Man, I'm just a bit too spacey lately to make the promised "this is who I'm reading" posts (I'm gonna have to grab myself a blogroll account and get to linking!). The cognitive effects of bipolar disorder are not always bad, but I've begun to realize that there *are* effects (not positive, unfortunately).
Starting up with school again has made these cognitive effects painfully obvious. Long story short, my algebra class is out and an Anthro class (yes, with my favourite professor) is in. Sitting in class with him on Thursday I realized that although many of his introductory comments were familiar, I'd forgotten who was who - and that my habit of copious note taking was going to have to be put into action from day one. It's definitely a help to read those full paragraph notes when I'm writing up an essay!
Right now it seems my struggle is to accept the facts. Not accept that I'll be like this FOREVER, but that my brain isn't working the same way it used to. Accept that I get stressed out faster than the average person, accept that I have a choice about what I do, even if making that choice makes me 'different'.
Came to the realization this week that it might come down to 4 years of part time school to finish up my B.A. - because I don't want to quit school but I also am unsure that a full time schedule will work for me. My dreams of being done with school by my 40th birthday may not come to pass.
But maybe I should look at it this way: I'm fighting back from a 20 year plus history with this mood disorder. I'm making up for lost time, and for that, I can take time.
Starting up with school again has made these cognitive effects painfully obvious. Long story short, my algebra class is out and an Anthro class (yes, with my favourite professor) is in. Sitting in class with him on Thursday I realized that although many of his introductory comments were familiar, I'd forgotten who was who - and that my habit of copious note taking was going to have to be put into action from day one. It's definitely a help to read those full paragraph notes when I'm writing up an essay!
Right now it seems my struggle is to accept the facts. Not accept that I'll be like this FOREVER, but that my brain isn't working the same way it used to. Accept that I get stressed out faster than the average person, accept that I have a choice about what I do, even if making that choice makes me 'different'.
Came to the realization this week that it might come down to 4 years of part time school to finish up my B.A. - because I don't want to quit school but I also am unsure that a full time schedule will work for me. My dreams of being done with school by my 40th birthday may not come to pass.
But maybe I should look at it this way: I'm fighting back from a 20 year plus history with this mood disorder. I'm making up for lost time, and for that, I can take time.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
An announcement
I have a cold.
What I thought was worsening of allergies has settled down in my throat (my poor, sore throat), and I am feeling quite punk.
On the up side, it's a mild cold.
On the downside, it's the first week of school and all I wanna do is sleep.
My question is, are chocolate chip cookies good for a cold?
What I thought was worsening of allergies has settled down in my throat (my poor, sore throat), and I am feeling quite punk.
On the up side, it's a mild cold.
On the downside, it's the first week of school and all I wanna do is sleep.
My question is, are chocolate chip cookies good for a cold?
Monday, August 27, 2007
I'm stuffed
Really, stuffed. So, as much as I'm into this Fat/Body Acceptance thing, there are some times when I really don't like the weight I've gained. So there's that.
What's weird is that I'm kicking the vegetarian styles for nearly every meal lately. But I don't know why I say "it's weird" as if being vegetarian and being thin were equal to one another.
Tonight I ended up making two dinners which were nearly identical. The boys and I had gone to the Co-op for food on Friday and picked up a variety of veg we needed to cook: a zephyr squash, a zucchini, some carrots, sweet onion. I sliced these up on the diagonal, took some seitan (wheat gluten), and the 8 yr old and I agreed on a green Thai curry. Once the sauce was made I realized it was going to be far too hot for him, so I added garlic and sugar snap peas to the veggie mix and made a stir fry for him. I put some Ginger People Ginger Lime sauce in it and it was GOOD.
We ate the curry/stirfry with white basmati rice and ate in the livingroom because we still don't have a dining room table. I found a perfect small table for us but won't have it until Thursday. By the weekend I hope to have a couch as well and then I can begin to think about entertaining.
School started today and we took the bus! Our new school district (along with our old) doesn't begin classes until the 4th, but my school started this morning. Both of my instructors were very kind about him being there today, let's hope they feel this way all week!
The bus was fun. The ride was less than 15 minutes, and I didn't have to park in the crazy lot! Okay, did I say it was 'fun'? It was the bus, but it was wonderful to have that time to chat and relax. It will be an adjustment (especially to the lack of control), and I did have a wee anxiety attack (just a racy heart OMG feeling for a few minutes), but overall and okay trip. We got a ride home from my fantastic buddy J, and she gave me her Algebra book (she took the same course over the summer). So the first day was pretty good. I've got a couple of hours of homework for which I am far too tired, so I'm either going to rest or go to bed early and work on it over coffee in the morning.
It feels good to have gotten so much done today (cleaned, recycled lots of boxes, baked cookies, did laundry, did dishes, plus all of the other stuff I wrote about), but I am ready to stop being busy and rest.
What's weird is that I'm kicking the vegetarian styles for nearly every meal lately. But I don't know why I say "it's weird" as if being vegetarian and being thin were equal to one another.
Tonight I ended up making two dinners which were nearly identical. The boys and I had gone to the Co-op for food on Friday and picked up a variety of veg we needed to cook: a zephyr squash, a zucchini, some carrots, sweet onion. I sliced these up on the diagonal, took some seitan (wheat gluten), and the 8 yr old and I agreed on a green Thai curry. Once the sauce was made I realized it was going to be far too hot for him, so I added garlic and sugar snap peas to the veggie mix and made a stir fry for him. I put some Ginger People Ginger Lime sauce in it and it was GOOD.
We ate the curry/stirfry with white basmati rice and ate in the livingroom because we still don't have a dining room table. I found a perfect small table for us but won't have it until Thursday. By the weekend I hope to have a couch as well and then I can begin to think about entertaining.
School started today and we took the bus! Our new school district (along with our old) doesn't begin classes until the 4th, but my school started this morning. Both of my instructors were very kind about him being there today, let's hope they feel this way all week!
The bus was fun. The ride was less than 15 minutes, and I didn't have to park in the crazy lot! Okay, did I say it was 'fun'? It was the bus, but it was wonderful to have that time to chat and relax. It will be an adjustment (especially to the lack of control), and I did have a wee anxiety attack (just a racy heart OMG feeling for a few minutes), but overall and okay trip. We got a ride home from my fantastic buddy J, and she gave me her Algebra book (she took the same course over the summer). So the first day was pretty good. I've got a couple of hours of homework for which I am far too tired, so I'm either going to rest or go to bed early and work on it over coffee in the morning.
It feels good to have gotten so much done today (cleaned, recycled lots of boxes, baked cookies, did laundry, did dishes, plus all of the other stuff I wrote about), but I am ready to stop being busy and rest.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I PASSED ALGEBRA!!!
I have never ever been so happy to get a C in all my life.
Actually, I have never gotten a C before. But it's a grade I worked really hard for, and I'm proud of it.
Now, I fully expect to get a B in Intermediate Algebra, but if I get a C, I figured out that my GPA wont' dip below 3.7, as long as I get an A in Spanish.
I'm still awaiting word from the apartment I'm dying to get. There are lots of hoops because the building has a lot of income related restrictions and there are lots of Ps and Qs to look after.
What's weird is that I want to study MORE algebra, if only to prove to myself that I am teachable.
Actually, I have never gotten a C before. But it's a grade I worked really hard for, and I'm proud of it.
Now, I fully expect to get a B in Intermediate Algebra, but if I get a C, I figured out that my GPA wont' dip below 3.7, as long as I get an A in Spanish.
I'm still awaiting word from the apartment I'm dying to get. There are lots of hoops because the building has a lot of income related restrictions and there are lots of Ps and Qs to look after.
What's weird is that I want to study MORE algebra, if only to prove to myself that I am teachable.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Phew.
It's over. Pretty much.
The closing went off without a hitch yesterday. The family who will be living there are going to fix it up, redo the inside, and, to quote one of the buyers, "Live in that house forever."
Now I'm just waiting for the check to clear so I can fulfill the obligations of my divorce agreement and have one less thing for my exhusband to bring up in conversation.
Today was spent taking care of the very-nearly-8-year-old - He is most likely asthmatic, and today an occasional wheeze turned into a constant thing, so we got into the doctor and he got some treatment to relieve his symptoms.
Then we went to his favourite restaurant, a Chinese buffet place, and we had a lovely dinner. They had some delicious string beans and a wonderful steamed tofu, and mushrooms in garlic sauce (yum), as well as a really good something the name of which has escaped *poof* from my brain as I type.
Of course, this means we were done with dinner before 4 pm, that's a bit weird.
I nearly tried to drop my algebra class today, but instead called the professor and he's given me an additional 5 days to attempt the final, which means I can study more. Unfortunately I missed one of the quizzes (that was due last night) so I'm going to have to do much better on the final than I'd have to otherwise. But 5 more days to study will be a very good thing.
As mentioned previously, looked at a BEAUTIFUL apartment on Sunday. An apartment that by all rights should be mine. But I haven't yet applied in the hopes that I will be able to find something a bit more suitable, price wise. But beautiful was this apartment, and classic, and well maintained, and having a fireplace it was. It was amazing.
So... I need to decided, tomorrow or so, what I will do. Yes? Yes.
The story of what it's like to stay at bf's place full time will follow at some point. I'm still in shock from having just sold my house and being without a permanent address! It's pretty crazy.
The closing went off without a hitch yesterday. The family who will be living there are going to fix it up, redo the inside, and, to quote one of the buyers, "Live in that house forever."
Now I'm just waiting for the check to clear so I can fulfill the obligations of my divorce agreement and have one less thing for my exhusband to bring up in conversation.
Today was spent taking care of the very-nearly-8-year-old - He is most likely asthmatic, and today an occasional wheeze turned into a constant thing, so we got into the doctor and he got some treatment to relieve his symptoms.
Then we went to his favourite restaurant, a Chinese buffet place, and we had a lovely dinner. They had some delicious string beans and a wonderful steamed tofu, and mushrooms in garlic sauce (yum), as well as a really good something the name of which has escaped *poof* from my brain as I type.
Of course, this means we were done with dinner before 4 pm, that's a bit weird.
I nearly tried to drop my algebra class today, but instead called the professor and he's given me an additional 5 days to attempt the final, which means I can study more. Unfortunately I missed one of the quizzes (that was due last night) so I'm going to have to do much better on the final than I'd have to otherwise. But 5 more days to study will be a very good thing.
As mentioned previously, looked at a BEAUTIFUL apartment on Sunday. An apartment that by all rights should be mine. But I haven't yet applied in the hopes that I will be able to find something a bit more suitable, price wise. But beautiful was this apartment, and classic, and well maintained, and having a fireplace it was. It was amazing.
So... I need to decided, tomorrow or so, what I will do. Yes? Yes.
The story of what it's like to stay at bf's place full time will follow at some point. I'm still in shock from having just sold my house and being without a permanent address! It's pretty crazy.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Redonkulous: part Hogwarts
Had I known I'd be up this late, I would have gone to the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter fillum.
Unfortunately I'm working on my algebra. I've got one problem keeping me from moving on. There is no way to advance until I get past this one, and I've to get done before I go to bed.
Oh, btw, my hair looks FANTASTIC today, if not a bit dowdy. I've got it up and it's super comfy (out of my face, off my neck) as well as complementing the shape of my face nicely. I've been missing how my super short hair complemented the shape of my face, this has much the same effect. Yay!
Tomorrow is my last day to gather things for St. Vincent's - Thursday is my last day to pack (although small things I can take anytime before Monday).
I'm so very tired. Looking forward to Saturday evening, when I plan to have a beer and laze about.
Unfortunately I'm working on my algebra. I've got one problem keeping me from moving on. There is no way to advance until I get past this one, and I've to get done before I go to bed.
Oh, btw, my hair looks FANTASTIC today, if not a bit dowdy. I've got it up and it's super comfy (out of my face, off my neck) as well as complementing the shape of my face nicely. I've been missing how my super short hair complemented the shape of my face, this has much the same effect. Yay!
Tomorrow is my last day to gather things for St. Vincent's - Thursday is my last day to pack (although small things I can take anytime before Monday).
I'm so very tired. Looking forward to Saturday evening, when I plan to have a beer and laze about.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Sleep: Makes life mo bettah
Wow, you know a nap is restorative when I woke from one, did my assignment for Algebra without crying, and kind of feel human again.
Srsly people, the maths are killng me.
::dies::
Srsly people, the maths are killng me.
::dies::
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Here's Why
The Anthropologist (it should be noted that reading her blog has caused me to begin referring to myself as "self", if only in my head) asked why I am taking algebra, and I thought everyone should know.
I'm taking algebra (high school algebra, really) because I have to take geometry and intermediate algebra, and when tested, I ended up there. You'll be happy to know that "algebra concepts" is not the very lowest rung in the math world. Indeed, it's at least 2 rungs up that ladder.
My current course and the geometry are requirements for entering the University of Wisconsin, and the intermediate algebra is a requirement for graduation.
I've taken high school level algebra at least 5 times, and I am just now kind of, a little bit, very slightly, beginning to understand a small part of it. Maths kill me.
In other school news, I got an A- on my paper and nearly cried. Did I mention that yet? Thank goodness I have therapy in two days.
I think I now officially have a 4.0 GPA (goes to check) (comes back, pouting). No, of course I don't. I have a 3.912 GPA, and before you say anything, it's not the same. But it's still wonderful. I'll have to tell you all about the format of my algebra course another time, it's interesting and I think I may actually retain some information! I'm hopefully optimistic about getting a B in this class. Only time shall tell.
While we are waiting for that to load, I'd like to mention that I've started reading 3 books simultaneously: ZZ Packer/"Drinking Coffee Elsewhere", Jim Crace/"Being Dead", and John Perkins/"Confessions of an Economic Hitman". The Packer and Crace are re-reads, and the Perkins is a first time. I am enjoying the fiction quite a bit and having just read the first half of the first chapter of the Perkins, I like it - it's just really depressing.
I'm taking algebra (high school algebra, really) because I have to take geometry and intermediate algebra, and when tested, I ended up there. You'll be happy to know that "algebra concepts" is not the very lowest rung in the math world. Indeed, it's at least 2 rungs up that ladder.
My current course and the geometry are requirements for entering the University of Wisconsin, and the intermediate algebra is a requirement for graduation.
I've taken high school level algebra at least 5 times, and I am just now kind of, a little bit, very slightly, beginning to understand a small part of it. Maths kill me.
In other school news, I got an A- on my paper and nearly cried. Did I mention that yet? Thank goodness I have therapy in two days.
I think I now officially have a 4.0 GPA (goes to check) (comes back, pouting). No, of course I don't. I have a 3.912 GPA, and before you say anything, it's not the same. But it's still wonderful. I'll have to tell you all about the format of my algebra course another time, it's interesting and I think I may actually retain some information! I'm hopefully optimistic about getting a B in this class. Only time shall tell.
While we are waiting for that to load, I'd like to mention that I've started reading 3 books simultaneously: ZZ Packer/"Drinking Coffee Elsewhere", Jim Crace/"Being Dead", and John Perkins/"Confessions of an Economic Hitman". The Packer and Crace are re-reads, and the Perkins is a first time. I am enjoying the fiction quite a bit and having just read the first half of the first chapter of the Perkins, I like it - it's just really depressing.
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